Appaz, the word on the grape vine, Taylor Swift is dating some bloke called Joe Alwyn. JA, as I’m going to refer to him from now, until I forget, is seemingly presenting himself as an actor. I’ve got no clue as if this is an accurate title. WHO AM I TO JUDGE? Oh just a member of the established press. He need to make an impression on me, before he does anything. I make people like him.
Dating In Secret
Anyway, to keep their dating a secret, lots of measures were put in the place. OH WELL, THE CAT IS OUT OF THE BAG NOW, INNIT? I won’t be juvenile and point out that she might write ten thousand songs about him.
Anyway, T Swizzle is one of the people, like Pippa and Justin, who’s dating life I’ve followed in great detail. Well not great detail, nothing I do on this is in great detail. It’s celebrity dating. IT’S NOT THAT DEEP, INNIT? An album from her is well over due. She is now 3 years maturer since the release of 1989. DON’T LET KIM KARDASHIAN WEST RUIN YOUR CAREER! POST A NUDE SELFIE AND GET ON WITH THE MUSIC!!!!!!
Recently, and when I say recently, I mean about 20 minutes ago, before I ate my tea, I read an article about Emma Stone dating either her ex flame Andrew Garfield or Jake Gyllenhaal. This is prosperous.
Best of Friends
Right, my in-depth research about Taylor Swift determines that Emma is best friends with her. TS also wrote my all time favourite Taylor Swift album, Red, about her relationship with Jake. Now, maybe, TS is long over it. There is a precedent of Taylor not being mad about her best pals shagging her old news. Gigi Hadid briefly dated Joe Jonas, who Taylor Swift wrote Forever and Always about. On a side note, why would you want to go out with Joe? He shares DNA with Kevin Jonas.
While regarding the matter of Andrew Garfield, the reasoning was that he gave Emma a standing ovation at the Academy Awards. MAYBE, THEY ARE JUST PALS AND DON’T HOLD GRUDGES LIKE FIVE YEAR OLDS? Perhaps, they are back together. Maybe, a more updated source has already covered this dating news in better and more accurate ways. WHO KNOWS? AND WHO CARES?
Oh poor Harry Styles, who has come out and said that dating Taylor Swift was hard. I mean, the boy was only 18 years old when he was dating the singing superstar. When boys are 18, they still are fetuses. This may seem like harsh observation, but seriously have you ever met an 18 year old boy? You either were one, and you were probably The Worst. Or you happened to know one, and he was The Worst. They don’t mean to be The Worst, they just are. It’s who they are supposed to be; smelly, stinky and immature.
I’m not so sure they get any better when they get older, you know. I know its not their fault, so I don’t hold it against them. Well, to be honest, I try and fail at that one. I’ll be the first one to put my hand in the air and just wail about men. They’re honestly so annoying. I wouldn’t be so annoyed by them if they just stopped. Yes, I’m saying this with a hundred percent self awareness. If you don’t like it, I cannot be of any assistance to you, unfortunately.
Well anyway, Harry Styles has a new song out. I haven’t heard it. Is it about dating?
I’m sending out an APB for one Ms Taylor Allison Swift. WHERE HAS SHE GONE? Okay, as per, I’m being a tad dramatic. She recently announced a whole bunch of crap that I couldn’t give a crap about. HOWEVER, there has been nothing on the music front. There has been no glimpses into her dating life.
Right, I know we shouldn’t speculate. She has the right to do what she wants, with whomever she wants, as long as it is consensual (I don’t need to be getting a reputation for someone who condones unwarranted dating and sexual abuse). I’m not riding her for her amount of boyfriends, or her current lack thereof, but I need some spicy dating news. And with Taylor, that is a guarantee.
- Apart from that big ol’ dating mess that was Hiddleswift. Tom Hiddleston, in my uneducated, yet not very humble opinion, is a overrated chump. He’s just another posh boy.
Swifty is a creative genius and this pile of gubbins won’t BRING HER DOWN. It was also completely for publicity. SOZ TAYLOR, JUST BECAUSE I LOVE YOU DOESN’T MEAN I WON’T CALL YOU OUT ON YOUR SHIT! Sometimes, we have to do that for the people we love….
A rumour has been flying around the internet, because that’s really what the internet is; a sounding board for the bile that comes flooding out of our fingertips, that Drake and Taylor Swift are an item. While this very plausible on some level; they’re both young, hot and famous heterosexuals of the opposite sex. It’s not that mind-blowing. It’s just a part of life. However, I must admit, it’s probably just a troll.
What basis is there for this rumour? I suppose that’s not a question I’m going to ever get an answer from. It’s a stupid question. It’s dumb and it’s not going to be given a solution. Well, anyway, if they are dating, who cares?
Seriously, the longer I’ve been in the celebrity blogging business, I’ve just started to care less and less about them. They’re boring. They just chat shit and do a hundred dumb things a day, all while earning considerably more money than me. They are proof that fools might sometimes, annoyingly, win. It’s a hard truth to swallow. I can’t cope with this truth. It is one and it must die. However, it won’t. The moral is; let T-Swizze and Drizzy be.
Karlie Kloss, the long time BFF of Taylor Swift and supermodel extraordinaire, takes no prisoners and she wants everyone in the world to know that. Following on from the Swift/Kardashian/West Snapchat feud (oh my days, has there been a more 2016 sentence? No, I don’t think so), a journalist asked Kloss’ opinion on Kimmy. Her answer was fairly favourable, because she seems like a good egg. The article was then twisted into a whole thing. It started rumours churning about the end of the Swift-Kloss friendship.
She fired back promptly and said there was nothing wrong with her relationship with Swifty. I must say, it must be hard to be a model now with a split in the pop culture world. Kim and Kanye are such powerhouses in both the music and fashion world. They have real sway. Designers fall at their feet. I hardly think Kloss will be conscripted into the Balmain army, for example. That battalion is made up of fellow supermodels such as Jourdan Dunn, Alessandria Ambrosio, Joan Smalls, Kylie and Kendall Jenner.
Though, let’s not feel too sorry for Klossy. The girl has a strong modelling career, cookie business and she’s studying for a degree at New York University in coding.
Calvin Harris is, apparently, done with dating famous women. He cannot stomach the thought of being romantically linked with any more celebrities. It’s just too much. He cannot deal. It’s just too much aggro. It is not worth the strife.
The strife is clear. The problem seems to be that famous people have fans. These fans get attached. They care about their idol. They don’t like to see their idol be heartbroken. Boyfriends tend to make their girlfriends heartbroken, or it can be twisted so they are the reason they are sad. It’s obvious. Calvin is regularly painted out the bad guy. He is made out to ruin women. He takes them and breaks them. This was true of Rita Ora and Taylor Swift. Swifties are the wrong fandom to piss off.
However, this does pose the question; WHO IS HE GOING TO DATE THEN? I suppose, it’s not really a desperate question. He’s probably not really interested in a serious relationship, in the slightest. Too be honest, I don’t care what he wants. He’s useless. I mean, he’s created a few bangers, but I find him boring. He is boring unless he’s got Rihanna or Ellie Goulding by his side.
Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston are moving at the speed of light. While we were still mourning the loss of Taylvin, she had got off her sofa, put down her ice cream and moved onto one of Hollywood’s most eligible men! She puts the rest of us pathetic cry babies to shame.
The pair of them have been spotted on the beach, meeting each other’s parents and just generally being a very cute couple. It’s verging on a bit sickly sweet. So much so, I’m debating if I can actually deal with it. I mean, I know I can because I love Taylor more than I love H2O or any other vital life resource.
Nah, but seriously. Taylor can date however she wants for as long as she wants. It must be great to know you can still be the world’s oldest punchline to the world’s oldest joke about women going out with lots of different men. Seriously, the world press should see my friendship group. They make Taylor Swift look like a god damn nun stuck in an abbey. You’d think they’d never seen causal dating in the 21st century. Is this life pre the pill or something?
Nooooooooo! Disaster has struck the Hollywood dating scene! Tayvin is donezo. They called it quits a few weeks ago. This has caused everyone on the internet to wonder if love is real and what on earth is the pointing of trying? I know I’m a bit late on reporting this but I just needed time to process this scarring information.
However, I’m so over the dumb jokes floating about the internet about how it will provide her with excellent song writing materials. Right, as a student of Taylor Swift’s life work, everything she does is song writing material. She writes about the lows and the highs of dating. Sometimes, believe it or not she doesn’t even write about boys. She has been known to pen a tune about her mother, growing up and once about the progressive attitudes in New York towards LGBT lifestyles.
Anyway, as always, Taylor is always invited to come round my gaff and gab about anything she wants. She is forever welcome. She may not want to come, and I would completely understand she would be repulsed by the prospect. However, there is always the option of going to a cute café. There aren’t any paps around my ends.
Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris were showing off their holiday snaps on Instagram. It was a great humble brag. There they were, just nonchalant, doing weird swan like yoga poses on a beach, somewhere on a basic nondescript beach.
However, it was still kinda awkward. I mean, they know they both have a legion of fans, like watching their every foot step and the like, but he just put these really weird, like normal snaps online. No funny captions, nothing.
Calvin Harris mustn’t be very funny. He doesn’t need to be. He seems to having a good enough time without trying his hand at cracking a few jokes, with the girlfriend, the money and the holidays. I mean, Taylor is forever making bad, but in a good cutesy way, jokes on her Instagram. She clearly values humour as a trait.
So, because of his strange silent photo collection, I’m picturing Calvin Harris, real name Adam, being this stoic giant with a great talent of making dance tracks. He doesn’t say anything. I’VE NEVER HEARD HIM TALK! Yes, come to think of it, I don’t think I am aware of his speaking voice. He is everywhere, yet he is silent. This is too much.