William or Harry – who’d you rather go dating with?

Now, forget that these two men are completely off the market (but let’s be real, their father had the worst kept secret affair of the latter half of the twentieth century), but would you rather have a dating experience with; Prince William or Prince Harry?

 

 

Yes, this question is a bit 2002, for my real liking, but it is always fun to pit the two royals against each other. I think this question is a bit dated, because everyone would rather be dating Harry as opposed to William. Here me out, I cry, as you turn away from the page. In my opinion, neither are particularly desirable.  William has no hair, and the hair Harry has is ginger.

 

 

Dating Pitfalls

But, I’m a shallow bitch, who determines a man’s hotness by his hair. I’m quite picky about the small details. However, I’m not unaware of my pitfalls. And I understand this why there’s no one interested in putting their hat in the ring to go dating with me.

I actually don’t want either of them, and support that you do too. They are seemingly in committed relationships. One (you figure out for yourself) is married to the human equivalent of a plank of wood. And the other has today’s next president. There’s no dating possibility here at all.

Daphne X

 

 

Meghan is dating Harry so get over it!

For the love of god, can we stop, as a human race, a species if you will. Stop hurling ignorant, racist crap at Meghan Markle? Meghan Markle is top.

The only thing that would suggest a bit of a head check is her decision to be dating, and now ENGAGED to a prince (a ginger prince none the less, but let’s not get hair colourist here).

 

 

 

 

That lady from UKIP, the one who’s sanity I already question for shagging Henry Bolton and being a member of UKIP, was texting her friend all kinds of colourful crap about Meghan. Yes, she’s dating in the royal family, but you are properly and definitely scum for being a racist.

I don’t want to lessen the horror of the situation, but pointing out jealousy. Is she jealous that she’s a fine piece of ass, smart as fuck and that she’s stuck dating a poor man’s Nigel Farage? Though, who would want to go dating with a rich man’s Nigel Farage? Which one can only assume is Nigel Farage, the actual one.

Anyway, UKIP is trash and Meghan is great. Stop being racist, and don’t say the N word. Also, don’t be in UKIP. UKIP is dead anyway. What are their policies now, apart from revoking the smoking ban?

Daphne X

 

 

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle engaged!

Prince Harry is engaged, if you didn’t know. The only way you couldn’t know is that if you were living under a rock in the desert, after you died, a horrible tragic death.

 

 

 

 

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle have been dating, for some time now. I don’t know how long they have been dating. Who am I to judge?

 

I’m just happy that it has been the end of the Pippa and Harry fan fiction inspired dating rumours. HOWEVER, I recently read the Diana Chronicles by Tina Brown. And if he is anything like his father, he could be still be meeting Pippa behind Meghan’s back.

 

Meghan is fabulous

 

However, unlike his father, Harry looks like he has more than four brain cells, so I really highly doubt that will happen. Meghan looks like a lovely lady, and Pippa just offers you shitty party tips, that no one asked for.

 

 

 

 

Anyway, Meghan is fabulous. She makes speeches at the UN. She is a big fat Hillary Clinton fan. Also, she has a tattoo of an arrow on the back of her neck, which inspired my best friend to get a tattoo on the back of her neck, which is funny. Mainly, because it’s a terrible tattoo.

 

Daphne X

 

 

Where’s all the Prince Harry dating gossip?

I haven’t heard any dating gossip about Prince Harry in the longest while. This is both filling me with relief and stress. I loathe the royals and everything they stand for; inherited positions, nepotism and state funded luxury.

 

Prince Harry

 

The thing with Prince Harry is he is such a good source of tabloid gossip. He just exudes public intrigue and mystery. I think he may be the only ginger in this country that appears that way. The next most famous gingers that I can think of surely don’t. The ones that spring to mind are the bloke that plays Ron Weasley, the rest of the Weasley family and that bloke from the Great British Bake Off 2016, Andrew. Everyone in my house wanted Andrew to win that show.

 

Rupert Grint

 

Anyway, I care about him so little that I ain’t even gonna Google him. I just want my Prince Harry information to be so unavoidable, just slap bang in my face. To be honest, that’s how I find out most of my gossip. It just shit I hear whilst bopping about in the world. I don’t remember the last time I looked up the Kardashians. I actually have no recollection of ever doing that.

 

Prince and the Pippa?

According to reports, Pippa Middleton and Prince Harry have been seeing each other in a romantic capacity for quite some time. Again, this is largely unconfirmed. It does sound like someone at a gossip mag had a bad day and in an attempt to fulfil a weird fantasy of theirs. Ever since they walked down the aisle in Westminster Abbey at Will and Kate’s wedding, people have been obsessed with the notion of them getting together. It’s a bit eye roll inducing. Like, how we are supposed to buy this.

 

Pippa Middleton

 

Apparently, he has been armoured with her. The romance has exclusively taken place in her home in London. There are no pictures. Also, no one seems to understand they could just be friends?

 

Prince Harry

 

I just don’t buy it. However, it could be true. More unbelievable things have happened. I would enjoy how it would annoy the Queen. Everything annoys her. On of the top of that list is the length of Princess Kate’s mini skirts. However, she can’t give fashion advice to anyone. Her outfits are built of one colour. That is only acceptable if its black. Black is the only colour one should wear head to toe.

 

Prince Harry in a tell all interview

Prince Harry recently sat down with Good Morning America for a tell all interview. I won’t watch it, but I’m just letting you all know that happened. Apparently, he was ginger and a tad posh, but this is just hearsay. It’s a unconfirmed report, but I’ve got a hunch that it might be the case.

 

Prince Harry

 

I don’t really believe in royal duty and pageantry and the like. However, you weirdos just might. I think its really weird that people want to listen to the guff out come out his mother. Although, it must be said, I enjoy the work and the marvel of the Kardashian-Jenner clan, so really, who am I to deny the world my media savviness? Some people, if any people, rely on yours truly for all their information. Again, this is another one of my irresponsible unconfirmed claims, but its allowed as long that is disclaimed, its all legit. I pinkie promise. We all know that is an authority like no other created by man. It’s a sacred convention, even for those pesky secularists. They just rain all over folk’s parade.

So yeah, basically, the king of ginger toffs has spoken. If you were wondering, his prole shadow is Rupert Grint.

 

Pippa Middleton wants one fit toff!

Calling all titled men! Do you have a public school education? Do you posses a membership to any sort of exclusive private club? Are you somewhat related to the Swedish royal family? If you answered yes to two or more of those questions you should try and track down Ms Pippa Middleton because she wants to go dating. The gal is in desperate need of dating a bloke with most of those qualifications.

 

Pippa Middleton

 

My theory is that this gal is on a mission to find a bloke. However, I believe it would be way funnier for Pippa to go out dating with a normal bloke. I mean, one that spends his afternoons down the boozer or at the football. How hilarious would that be? Imagine Pips bringing him home for Christmas while he wears his football strip.

 

Prince Harry

 

However, this will never happen and if one more person suggests that she needs to get it on with Prince Harry I think I will scream. IT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! WE DO NOT UNFORTUNATELY LIVE IN A EPISODE OF GOSSIP GIRL WHERE EVERYONE NEATLY MARRIES EACH OTHER FROM THEIR SMALL CIRCLE OF FRIENDS. I mean really has our life come down to this? It’s just a bit pathetic!

 

Daphne X

 

Pippa Middleton is making bad dating choices, again!

Our favourite person to randomly rag on is back! Her older sister, The Duchess (or Duchie, whatever you prefer. I’m not really bovvered) has warned her about her new boyfriend James Matthews.

 

Pippa Middleton

 

Can poor Pippa catch a break? I mean it’s not her fault her sister out does her all the time? I mean Kate wins all the competitions. She is the most posh (HELLO SHE HAS A TITLE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!) and let’s be honest she is the prettier one. I mean, she was dating, now married the sexiest prince (apart from Harry, but then she wouldn’t get a big ol’ posh wedding and potentially be Queen soon).

 

Prince Harry

 

However, one argument in Pippa’s favour is that her man has hair. Prince William can’t really claim to have a full head of hair now can he? She also has a nicer arse. However how far can that get a girl? Well, actually quite far but not in Pippa’s circles. She has Tatler worthy parties to be invited to. I mean she can’t be seen to be using her body commercially in an overtly sexual manner and still have Christmas dinner with Lizzie! One must be dignified to be in that family. Unless you’re Harry…

Daphne X

 

William and Kate a Royal Affair

William and Kate are rumoured to have a crazy sporty dating life. Speculations include playing miniature golf with little brother Harry. Harry is rumoured to be a bad sport when Kate gets her holes in ones during play. Though it is all in Windsor family good fun. It never gets too dramatic. They always make up and enjoy an ice cream float afterwards. Harry is rumoured to love a cheeky bit of rum in his.

 

Kate Middleton

 

Wills and Kate enjoyed hitting up British sporting events this summer such as the Olympics, Queens and Wimbledon tennis tournaments. Maybe you and your other half should spectate at local sports events. Watch your local pub football team and have great dating experiences just like the nation’s favourite royal couple. Who would not like to emulate them? Dating is made to look so effortless by these two beautiful fools.

 

Prince William

 

The couple had been dating since attending St Andrew’s university and have been married for a little over a year and still look sporty and fit. Their union was made legal in April 2011 and was witnessed by over 2 billion people. They smushed thousands of their closest friends and diplomats into Westminster Abbey, the same place William’s mother Diana’s funeral was held in. A little awkward no? Anyway let’s play a little bit of croquet?

Daphne X

Who is Pippa Middleton dating?

In the past 9 months she has been rumoured to be dating various suitors. From HRH Prince Harry to her latest speculated flame heir, George Percy who is in line to inherit the Duchy of Northumberland. Not as impressive as her sister Kate’s high profile dating history (dating Wills out does anyone else who snags a aristocrat in the dating game).

 

Pippa Middleton

 

George Percy is an Old Etonian whose ancestor Henry the 6th earl fell in love with Anne Boleyn who was later stolen by Henry VIII. Can’t imagine Anne and their dating life was as cushy as ol’ Pips and Georgie’s is now. However you could just imagine the public school lovers getting on brilliantly. They could exchange times about their respective times at Marlborough and Eton, both G20 schools and world renowned institutions of excellence. Maybe spending his teenage years without girls, for the most part, make dating an exciting concept still?

Henry is not the only cursed Percy. The 9th Earl after a scandal flew to Warwickshire where government officials shot at him and banished him to the Tower of London for 17 years and was forced to pay a fine of £30,000. Should Pippa be dating a man with such an unlucky family history? Or is this a thrill due her rumoured lover’s riveting history a big dating turn on?

George has a pad in Kensington however does not like to mingle with the nightclub ‘Made In Chelsea’ set and runs a alternative energy seeking company with Algy Cluff, an ex-tycoon. They plan to come up with a cheap and cleaner solution to our problem on relying on fossil fuels. His family leads a very low key life, for instance one of his sister’s is a tennis coach. His oldest sister Lady Katie recently married Patrick Valentine after lots of dating.

 

George Percy and Pippa Middleton

 

I wish George and Pippa a very successful dating career none the less. They could decide they are not each other’s soul mates even then I hope they are happy. Let’s hope Pippa and George’s relationship and dating is more successful than Henry’s! The whole country will be awaiting their decision.

 

Daphne X