Men of the world, please do not be a Stephen. Who is Stephen you ask? Stephen is a person who appeared on my new favourite dating show; Make or Break. But that doesn’t really answer my original question. Stephen is one of recent reality televisions most manipulative, over emotional bam pots. He cried a lot in the first few episodes. Now, I hear you scream into your screens, “BUT AREN’T MEN ALLOWED TO SHOW THEIR FEELINGS IN THIS POST FEMINIST AGE, ESPECIALLY WITH THE PERSON THEY ARE DATING?” Well, yes they are. I screamed this at myself when I first reacted in disgust to him.
This is too much!
However, Stephen used his tears to dump all his unhealthy codependent shit on his poor girlfriend. Whose name I’ve completely forgotten, despite her pleas of “THIS IS TOO MUCH. I AM NOT A QUALIFIED THERAPIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!” He, of course, pays her absolutely no mind and believes he is lucky enough to be dating his therapist.
When her little blonde head could not take this any longer, and she courteously expressed her feelings, for what seemed the first time in the relationship, and broke it off. He stormed off in a huff, effing and jeffing and declaring she was a “SELFISH BITCH”. When everyone knew that was him.
Do couples, who happen to be neighbours with the Angel of the North, spend more time yelling at each other than any other region? The evidence based from this report is carefully edited reality television shows. The first one to properly exhibit this dating necessity was on MTV’s Geordie Shore; the much too long running English spin off of Jersey Shore. Seriously, if it has not been cancelled yet, well than there is no justice in the world. We get it. They like to get mortal, be orange and not really like defining things when they are dating.
The debate becomes more interesting when one considers new dating show Make Or Break. This features a range of couples, all straight so not really all that groundbreaking, but they come from varied areas across the UK.
The first few episodes had drama from Geordie’s Nikita and Che. They had been dating for a year and bit. But Jesus fucking Christ, they yelled at each other more than the other couples. There are Essex people and Welshers. They are all dating but do not speak to each other in the same way that Geordie’s do.
I’m fully willing to dive deeper into this hypothesis, however, that was a big fat lie.
This piece will be a continuation of my Make or Break series. In this edition, we will explore dating someone who has stuck his pecker in, at the very least, 30 women that are not you, while you were in mutual agreement to be in an exclusive relationship. This is the case with Elle and Andy. Andy, while dating Elle, has proved himself, well to me anyway, a potential sex addict.
This aspect of her boyfriend’s personality has turned Elle into a bit of a quivering mess. She doesn’t really seem to trust him, which is rather understandable. However, it does beg the question; why is she still dating him? Is it low self esteem? Is it boredom, as in does she secretly like the attention and the drama? Dating him really doesn’t seem worth it.
Forgive the Gandhi inspirations, but surely it is her fault? Not the act of the unsanctioned sexual relations, but the fact she’s so unhappy. Girl will find someone else. Life is too short to waste it with alleged sex addicts from Newcastle. There are 3.5 billion men on the planet. Go try dating one of them.
My new favourite dating show is a crash course in car crash television. It is Channel 5’s latest offering; Make Or Break. This show is so bad, that is actually amazing. It was clearly devised so quickly to fill the cavernous cavity left by Love Island; a show I feel blessed to have missed.
The producers at Channel 5 must have sent out a brief that was something like the following; ARE YOU DATING SOMEONE WHO EMOTIONALLY ABUSES YOU CONSTANTLY? IF SO, WE’LL BUY YOU A FREE HOLIDAY TO MEXICO SO WE CAN HUMILIATE YOU.
It’s full of the same fame hungry people that just want to boost their Twitter followers. There’s the typical fare of regional accents; Essex, Geordies and the like, plus some token posh people. Two people, who are clearly the laughing stock of their professions, which includes sex therapy and behavioural psychology. I’ve forgotten their names.
It’s the type of colour coded couple show that makes you happy to be single, or if you’re loved up, it makes you so grateful that you’re not dating such a big twat as these people. Because one of the many dating rules I subscribe to is never dating someone who has appeared on Channel 5.