Daphne’s Top Dating Tips

 

Dating Dos

 

  • Do show up

  • Do be on time

  • Do Be polite

  • Do be a human being

  • Do offer to pay

  • Do speak about how much you love beer

  • Do remember your dogs aren’t going to be dating each other

  • Do remember what she said

  • Do tell her she’s insane if she likes David Icke, the BNP or the Daily Mail

  • Do just eat your own food

 

 

 

 

 

Dating Don’ts

 

  • Don’t speak over

  • Don’t talk about how your fulfilling the dating dos

  • Don’t do a runner, if in a restaurant

  • Don’t offer to pay

  • Don’t say how bad you are at dating

  • Don’t say how good you are at dating

  • Don’t cry

  • Don’t repeat yourself

  • Don’t say you hate your mum

  • Don’t mention how much of a crazy lady/guy your ex is

  • Don’t touch in the first five seconds

  • Don’t pinch her

  • Don’t challenge anyone to a running race

  • Don’t invite out on a second date if you’re not going to attend

  • Don’t tell her shes insane

  • Don’t order spaghetti, and insist on reenacting the Lady and Tramp scene

 

Daphne X

 

 

How to tell if you are dating a scrub

 

  • Does the guy you are dating “THINK HE IS FLY?

 

  • Does the guy are you dating, “ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT WHAT HE WANTS, AND THEN SITS ON HIS BROKE ASS?”

 

 

 

 

If this is true, this is the beginning signs that he is potentially a scrub. However, it is not too late. Also there is a bigger list of qualifications for scrub-hood.

 

  • Does he go around “HANGING OUT THE SIDE OF HIS BEST FRIEND’S RIDE, TRYING TO HOLLER?”

 

This is a problem not just for you and the person you are dating. But also is a worldwide safety issue. Also, it makes you look like a bell end for condoning this behaviour. So, this might not actually any person you can save. I suggest running, but I’m not your puppet master, so you do you, boo.

 

Lives with his Mommy!

 

It does get worse, it gets much worse, and it has reached that point once you had got to the point of return is when the scrub does not actually scrub anything and he “LIVES AT HOME WITH HIS MOMMA.”

 

 

 

 

Of course, in this economic day and age, we must still live with our parents, and not all of us are lucky enough to not. However, if this is an active choice, and she cleans his room, tidies up all his shit and he never cooks, RUN THE FUCK AWAY. I warned you, girl.

 

Advice courtesy of TLC – No Scrubs

 

 

Don’t take dating advise from Stephen

Men of the world, please do not be a Stephen. Who is Stephen you ask? Stephen is a person who appeared on my new favourite dating show; Make or Break. But that doesn’t really answer my original question. Stephen is one of recent reality televisions most manipulative, over emotional bam pots. He cried a lot in the first few episodes. Now, I hear you scream into your screens, “BUT AREN’T MEN ALLOWED TO SHOW THEIR FEELINGS IN THIS POST FEMINIST AGE, ESPECIALLY WITH THE PERSON THEY ARE DATING?” Well, yes they are. I screamed this at myself when I first reacted in disgust to him.

 

 

 

 

This is too much!

 

However, Stephen used his tears to dump all his unhealthy codependent shit on his poor girlfriend. Whose name I’ve completely forgotten, despite her pleas of “THIS IS TOO MUCH. I AM NOT A QUALIFIED THERAPIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!” He, of course, pays her absolutely no mind and believes he is lucky enough to be dating his therapist.

 

 

 

 

When her little blonde head could not take this any longer, and she courteously expressed her feelings, for what seemed the first time in the relationship, and broke it off. He stormed off in a huff, effing and jeffing and declaring she was a “SELFISH BITCH”. When everyone knew that was him.

 

Daphne X

 

 

Things You Don’t Want Your Date To Do

 

  • Refuse to speak to you in a language you do not understand – Okay, okay, maybe this rule can be broken. However, mainly, stick to a dating dialect both parties are involved intimately with. It just not allowing for effective and efficient communication. Speaking is, really, so people can get messages across.

 

 

Things You Don't Want Your Date To Do

 

 

  • Eat an Onion and Garlic Sandwich – This one is not specifically a dating don’t, its more of a life don’t. If you must, please carry a pack of gum, toothpaste, a toothbrush and mouth wash with you at all times. THIS IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT. I just can’t be with you if this is your life path. Don’t date me, don’t look at me and definitely do not breathe on me. You sick fuck.

 

For the love of dating

 

  • Own a copy of Viz – Just please, for the love of all that’s dating. Do you want people to think you’re a fool? Well, I’m just going to assume you are one, and I want nothing to do with that. That’s it, you’ve become a that.

 

  • Steal Your Thunder – Just don’t. Don’t do it. You are the worst at dating if you do that. You just should not be allowed to go dating.

 

Daphne X

 

 

5 dating ideas that rhyme with the word ‘dating’

 

1. Skating – this can be both on ice, or solid ground. It might be a general nuisance, and all over danger to the general public, but who cares? YOU’RE WINNING BY HAVING SOMEONE LOVE YOU. When your dating, you’re winning.

 

dating couple out skating

 

2. Orating – Go stand on the podium in Hyde Park, channelling your inner Prime Minister William Gladstone, and just let your wildest ideas come pouring out your big fat gob. Hey, when your dating… If not in the London area, go stand on your mum’s doorstep.

3. Grating – Cook yourself and your hunny a glorious Italian feast, and then sprinkle some finely grated fromage on your spag bol. Pay no mind that he or she may be vegan. WHEN YOURE DATING!

4. Painting – I saw this dating idea on Buzzfeed, because I am a young person, and that is where all young people get their news. All their true news, as well.

 

dating couple out painting

 

5. Fainting – This is dating concept that dates back to the Golden Age of Hollywood. Channel your inner Ms Monroe, and just faint when it all gets a little bit too overwhelming.

 

I AM A DATING POET, AND I CAN NOT FIGURE OUT FOR THE LIFE OF ME IF I DID OR DID NOT ALREADY KNOW IT!

Daphne X

 

5 Crappy Places To Go On A First Date

1. Your house – You will look like a date rapist. Okay, perhaps not, but seriously, you’re putting your intentions very much on the line. We get it. You want to get in the girl’s pants. Please try and be less obvious.

2. Your mum’s house – This is kinda the same as the 1st one, but a little less sexual predatory. Instead, its a bit more keen. We may not want to be in a relationship with you and we don’t even know you, so we don’t need to know your mum just yet. She may, and probably is, a great gal. A little too soon. Wait a few months, please.

 

crappy first date

 

3. Victoria’s Secret – Any undergarment/lingerie store, really, is a bit odd. Again, you’re doing an awful job of hiding your intentions. Your a bloke, we know and understand your motivations for wanting to be with us, but at the same time, you’re not just animal and we deserve more than you creepily eyeing up lacy pants and fluffy bras. Stop and go outside and look for a Starbucks. We would be grateful for that.

4. A sporting game – Unless, stated otherwise. Girls can like sports. Even worse, if with all your friends and the girl knows nothing about said sport. Men and sports tends to be a bit boring after a while.

5. Anything in a group – No, no one wants their first date to be an outing with you and all your Neanderthal pals. Again, unless this has been cleared.

 

5 top dating tips

It’s time for a refresher in Daphne’s tippy top dating tips. This time its all about keeping the spark in a established relationship.

5 top dating tips

  1. Pick a TV show and watch it when you’re together – One you’ve never seen before and one you won’t watch without them.

  2. Don’t expect perfection – remember they are human and make mistakes.

  3. Believe in them – don’t put them down and tell them.

  4. Support them – sometimes this means a little bit of nagging.

  5. Feed them – people get hungry and need to fixed.

 

5 Films To Watch With Your Almost Boyfriend

  1. Die Hard – Your potential man, the one who only really sees you as a fuck buddy, will rate you because you are a very good actor so you convince him into thinking you have a crush on Bruce Willis too. Also, it convinces him you might like to have a gun fight. But don’t forget to wear a floral print, to remind him you’re a woman and not his buddy Joe. Don’t let him think you’re Joe. Joe is a professional wasteman. He can’t do his own laundry.

5 Films To Watch With Your Almost Boyfriend

 

  1. Paranormal Activity – You can test out his level of caring when you pretend to be scared at this pitiful attempt of a horror film, while not actually giving yourself nightmares, so don’t watch any critically acclaimed; The Texas Chainsaw Massacre or the like.

  2. Your second favourite Disney film – To suss out if you’re good enough in bed to make him sit through any princess classic.

  3. The God Father Trilogy – See 1, also makes you seem like a chill girl.

  1. Iron Man – See 1 and 4.

 

 

Dealing With Your Dating Disaster

Okay so I do get it. Far too often, little baby cupid makes a booboo. You go through a dating breakup and the last thing you want is to see the new gal (or guy) all over Facebook. But really, I mean really, it cannot be bad enough to drive you to hop onto the Cosmopolitan website and begin searching through page after page of painfully bad dating advise until you find ‘How to wage a post-breakup campaign of happiness’. I mean REALLY!

 

I could talk you through all 6 of the, frankly embarrassing, tips but I’m not that mean. I promise. But I will have to share with you the worst of the bunch. Beginning with “Put up a really hot picture of yourself (selfie time!)” Seriously, Cosmo? You’re advice is to take pictures of yourself where you look attractive and post them on Facebook in the hope that your ex may stumble upon it and be reminded of your endless beauty? Hmm…

 

Bad day for Cupid

 

Ooh this one too! Cosmopolitan reckons you should “Check-in to really cool places on Foursquare/Facebook!” Now this one’s got some logic behind it. Rather than go out and have fun and move on, the plan is as follows: Stay at home on your computer and every now and then update your Faceboook with a cool event, that way, when the ex spots it, they’ll be remind of how totally cool you are and be so sad you are no longer dating because you’re so damn cool! Yeah, maybe not.

 

And most importantly this little gem: “Find a really positive breakup quote that really resonates for you and post it on Facebook or Instagram.” I cannot be the only one who thinks this is a bit 13-year-old-girl-dealing-with-her-totally-dramatic-relationship! That’ll do it, tell everyone on the internet that you’re a strong independent woman who don’t need no man. Then let me know how that works out for you.

 

Gwendolyn

 

Advise from Dating for Girls when dating someone new

Do you find it difficult meeting people for a date? If so, try an online dating site to find your perfect partner or companion. Of course, some dating sites are better than others.

 

Once you have been on your first date, it is difficult to know how to behave. There is no rule book to tell you what to do. However, have a look at the advice below for dating tips

 

Dating tips and advise

 

– When meeting your date for the first time, be careful, meet in a public place. Tell a friend of your plans and call them when you are home safe and sound.

 

– Try to avoid calling, sending texts or emailing somebody that you have only just started dating more than once per day. The only exception to this is if they reply to you swiftly. Contacting your date too much can be a big turn off

 

Dating tips and advise

 

– If you have been hurt in the past by a particular kind of person, then try to avoid dating the same kind again. The majority of us are attracted to people that we know are bad for us, but we should avoid them

 

– Avoid lying to your date about your life. This will only result in disaster if the relationship blossoms into something more serious. Honesty is the best policy

 

– Try not to be too available all the time. This does not mean playing games, it just means that you should continue to pursue your own interests

 

– Never give out personal information about yourself on your first date, such as your address or home phone number

 

If you are looking for the perfect partner, contact us here at Dating for Girls, where we will be happy to offer you dating advice.