5 Crappy Places To Go On A First Date

1. Your house – You will look like a date rapist. Okay, perhaps not, but seriously, you’re putting your intentions very much on the line. We get it. You want to get in the girl’s pants. Please try and be less obvious.

2. Your mum’s house – This is kinda the same as the 1st one, but a little less sexual predatory. Instead, its a bit more keen. We may not want to be in a relationship with you and we don’t even know you, so we don’t need to know your mum just yet. She may, and probably is, a great gal. A little too soon. Wait a few months, please.

 

crappy first date

 

3. Victoria’s Secret – Any undergarment/lingerie store, really, is a bit odd. Again, you’re doing an awful job of hiding your intentions. Your a bloke, we know and understand your motivations for wanting to be with us, but at the same time, you’re not just animal and we deserve more than you creepily eyeing up lacy pants and fluffy bras. Stop and go outside and look for a Starbucks. We would be grateful for that.

4. A sporting game – Unless, stated otherwise. Girls can like sports. Even worse, if with all your friends and the girl knows nothing about said sport. Men and sports tends to be a bit boring after a while.

5. Anything in a group – No, no one wants their first date to be an outing with you and all your Neanderthal pals. Again, unless this has been cleared.

 

5 Films To Watch With Your Almost Boyfriend

  1. Die Hard – Your potential man, the one who only really sees you as a fuck buddy, will rate you because you are a very good actor so you convince him into thinking you have a crush on Bruce Willis too. Also, it convinces him you might like to have a gun fight. But don’t forget to wear a floral print, to remind him you’re a woman and not his buddy Joe. Don’t let him think you’re Joe. Joe is a professional wasteman. He can’t do his own laundry.

5 Films To Watch With Your Almost Boyfriend

 

  1. Paranormal Activity – You can test out his level of caring when you pretend to be scared at this pitiful attempt of a horror film, while not actually giving yourself nightmares, so don’t watch any critically acclaimed; The Texas Chainsaw Massacre or the like.

  2. Your second favourite Disney film – To suss out if you’re good enough in bed to make him sit through any princess classic.

  3. The God Father Trilogy – See 1, also makes you seem like a chill girl.

  1. Iron Man – See 1 and 4.

 

 

Ross is taking no Liberties!

News update on the Rupert Sanders and Liberty Ross front! Ross has been spotted, possibly dating a new fella, the first rebound we have heard since the scandal of her husband cheating way back in July. Sanders’ estranged wife is making the best start over again and can be happy without her love rat director husband.

 

Rupert Sanders

 

When the story of Kirsten Stewart and Rupert’s affair broke back in the summer the entire world wondered if both partners would take them back. Robert Pattinson has kept it coy and has done a few television appearances. For example he poked fun at the situation with American political funny man Jon Stewart.

 

Kirsten Stewart

 

However, it is not a matter of simple dating for Liberty. She has children and a potential break up of a family to consider when she made her choice. Should she have returned to Rupert or made an impression the world that she does not appreciate people who mess around?  Dating is something anyone at any age can start fresh with. She obviously has decided to jump back into the love game pretty sharpish. We salute you Liberty and wish you nothing but happiness and serenity for your life!

Daphne X