The world mourns Brangelia divorce!

On Tuesday, the shocking news blew up all our smartphones, tablets and mouths. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have announced they are divorcing after twelves years of being together two years of marriage, and about a million children, nah I kid, they only have six. Did I really just write they only had six children? Six children is a obscene amount. One day a week, I look after a puppy and that’s tiring. However, they are minted. Each child, probably, has about three nannies and a personal chef.

 

Brad Pitt

 

The rumour mill is churning out lots of reasons why the pair decided to split. One reason was the alleged affair between Pitt and Marion Cotillard. Marion, however, shut this one down, with what can only be paraphrased to be, Errr why would I touch that has been with a shitty stick? I have my own hot husband and a son, with said hot husband.

 

Angelina Jolie

 

The current and most legit sounding reason is Brad’s substance abuse problems. This makes the most sense. He has the appearance of a stoner. I know we ought not judge, but its just so darn fun, innit? Boy needs shower ASAP.

 

Can we just get over the Brangelina divorce?

I know in a previous post I added fuel to the fire, but can we just get over the Brangelina divorce? Unless, you are family member, friend or co worker, your capacity to care, to the level we all seem to be, should not be so high. You don’t know them. You’ve never spoken to them. Yes, you’re allowed to care about whatever you want. I just want you to know, I’m judging you. Hard!

 

Angelina Jolie

 

Yes, one of my motivating factors is that there isn’t a lot less going on in celebrity gossip land. This is honestly dominating the first page of Google when you put “Celebrity news” into the search bar. It’s draining. I’m bored. I can’t cope.

 

Brad Pitt

 

This is a 24 hours new cycle society we are living in. Shouldn’t something else has happened in the meantime? It’s been nearly two days. Hasn’t something interesting happened to a Victoria’s Secret model in the meantime? No? None of them having given birth? I swear they are all pregnant and ready to pop at any moment. However, that’s too nice to spend too much time dwelling on. We love a story about loss, destruction and divorce. It’s better, innit? We’re sick.

 

It’s hacky and I hate it

This is a public service announcement. Actually, no this is a public service DEMAND! Can please make a collective decision, as consumers of mindless pop culture and celebrity dating stories, to stop speculating about Jennifer Aniston’s opinion on the breakdown of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s marriage. The woman is happily married. Her life will not and does not have to be the exact same as Rachel Green’s. She is, shock horror, a completely different person from the character she plays on Friends, that TV show that will forever be the thing you put on when you can’t decide what to watch.

 

Brad Pitt

 

Please, I beg you, stop with the memes of her face. The New York Post, while not the most refined news source, made their front page a rather inflated and unflattering photo of Jen’s face.

 

Jennifer Aniston

 

Now, I’m not really one for advocating Jennifer Aniston isn’t worth a bit of satire, but this is so unbelievably irrelevant. It is a bad source of comedy. If you’re shit out luck regarding material, just copy Jerry Seinfeld. Seriously, just wave your hands and complain about something. It’s a classic for a reason. Just stop this nonsense.

 

No Wedding Bells for Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie?

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s prospective wedding is looking rocky. The pair have been dating since they both starred in the 2004 flick Mr and Mrs Smith together. Brad was famously married to Friends and veteran romantic comedy star Jennifer Aniston and left her for Jolie. They since had six children together, an eclectic mix of biological and adopted. However their dating has hit a fork in the road, Pitt’s mother recently spoke out against gay marriage. Jolie, a keen advocate for universal marriage was absolutely horrified and outraged. The wedding may be totally off the cards.

 

Angelina Jolie

 

This story raises the question of so many issues. Should we just stick to dating and forget marriage? Should gays be allowed the same rights as straight people? Should the views of our parents and in laws interfere into our love and dating lives? All of these points are valid questions and need to be addressed as soon as possible. Everyone should think long and hard before answering these questions.

 

Brad Pitt

 

Anyway here’s to hoping that the Pitt-Jolie fort resolve all their issues and be a happy bunch once again. They are such a diverse and multicultural clan with a beautiful Hollywood dynasty.

 

Daphne X

Jennifer and Justin 4 lyfee

Jennifer Aniston and long time beau Justin Theroux have been spotted outside wandering the sunny streets of New York City. The loved up pair have been gallivanting around the Big Apple. Justin Theroux has broken Jennifer Aniston’s string of bad dating patterns. She has had trouble since her infamous split from ex husband Brad Pitt. Pitt left her in 2004 for sexy siren Angelina Jolie. The pair now have six children, both adopted and their own.

 

Jennifer Aniston

 

The smiles are a shock to the movie world as their new movie Wanderlust is tanking at the American box office. However Jennifer’s dating history may be tainted but her selection of movies have outnumbered her men. She is a lady of the big screen and dominates her genre of the romantic comedy films all filled with dating. She has maybe learned a few things about romantic happy endings.

 

Justin Theroux

 

Rumours have flown round Hollywood about their engagement. Is it ever going to happen? Has she been scared by her previous jaunt down the aisle? They do however seem to be very contented with each other’s company and maybe don’t need a piece of paper to solidify their relationship? Though the world will still wonder, will J + J = luv 4evva?

 

Daphne X