Here is a comprehensive list of things you must do if you find yourself taking me, or any like-minded lady on a date. These are not optional. They are an essential part of dating me.
New and improved checklist
- A brain – this is actually pretty useful for life in general, not just dating yours truly. I’ve no idea where you’ve got to go to pick one of these beauties up from. Try Tesco.
- Tolerance for musical theatre – You must, annually, see one show with me. This is an essential part of dating You also must be capable of knowing the difference between the work of Rodgers & Hammerstein and that of Andrew Lloyd Webber. Bonus points for being aware of Howard Ashman and Alan Menken. They are tres important.
- Shoes – You must own a pair of shoes, if we are involved in a dating capacity. You, however, are expected to remove them if you want to sit on my bed, with socks. Feet are grim. You may take them off, with permission.
- Feel no desire to come shopping with me – WHY DO PEOPLE TAKE THE PEOPLE THEY ARE DATING CLOTHES SHOPPING. Clothes shopping is a solo mission.
YOU’RE WELCOME, MENFOLK OF THE WORLD!