The pair were spotted holding hands on the red carpet. It was very, very, very adorable. It was so adorable I wish they would get the fuck away from me. I died. This was not in the Taylor Swift on The Graham Norton Show sense of death. Instead, it was rather a dying of disgust from aw overload. We’ve all been there, the wanting to die because a couple’s borderline gross ways.
I know, I know, I’m being a super big old bitch. Can you blame me? All week I’ve been bombarded with complaints from my flatmate, whose little 14 year old sister has been giving her nothing but aggro about the union. Word on the preteen clothes aisle is that he is the football world’s version of Harry Styles and Zayn Malik, you see. I can see that. I’m not going to comment on it. That would be far too weird. I’m trying to limit my weirdness now.
Anyway, this whole episode is a victory for people who don’t ironically use the phrase LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE as a life mantra. Please, people, stop doing that. You don’t understand how foolish you look.