I thought that online flirting over social media was restricted to the youth of today. But watch out you lot, looks like the disease is spreading. Why? Who knows. There are plenty of online dating sites nowadays for those who aren’t having much luck finding their soulmate. So surely there is no need to ‘poke’ your facebook faves and ‘deep like’ your Insta-crushes. Well, apparently, this is a much better idea than using your likes and dislikes, hobbies and interests to find someone who may actually make a good boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife. That’s right, instead, middle aged people are are commenting on each others ‘selfies’ asking for a #beersoonplease.
I should really explain these modern dating terms. ‘Deep like’ – Searching through all the pictures on a person’s instagram from weeks, months even years ago and liking this person’s ‘selfies’. But don’t worry, it’s not “creepy” in fact it’s “flattering”. Forgive me if I disagree with that one…
Furthermore, the excellent ‘following’ feature. You can see all the recent activity from anyone you follow. That means you know if your ‘Insta-crush’ has been ‘deep liking’ another womans photo. Oh my! But yet again, we’re not to worry. We’ve been confidently assured that “…instagram doesn’t cause obsessive behavior, it simply facilitates it.” Forgive me if I disagree with this one too…
Well, thanks for the tips elle.com but I think we’ll stick to online dating, it involves a few less specialist terms and is a lot less creepy.
Lately I’ve gotten used to the ridiculous theories and tactics for the perfect dating life that litter every single magazine, honestly they fail to surprise me anymore. Well, that was true until I found this. An article dedicated to helping you make the monumental decision of whether or not it is okay to date a man who owns a cat. WHAT?
So here’s the dealio. Apparently “nothing is vagina-tingling about a dude in possession of this animal” Yes that was the exact word. “vagina-tingling”. Correct me if I’m wrong, but surely no animal in particular makes a man more or less “vagina-tingling”. But each to their own, eh?
Now for some specialist dating analysis from the pro’s: “Owning a cat says he doesn’t really know how to connect” You what mate? We’re going to decide whether a man is suitable to date by his choice of pet? What next? Ginger cat means he’s got a loving personality, black and white cat means he lacks the ability to take risks and tabby cat means he’s willing to try new things? See, any one can write this crap, even me! When do I start?
Oh and one last thing; ANTI-CAT PROPAGANDA IS NOT OKAY. CATS ARE REALLY NICE. DON’T BE MEAN.
Okay so I do get it. Far too often, little baby cupid makes a booboo. You go through a dating breakup and the last thing you want is to see the new gal (or guy) all over Facebook. But really, I mean really, it cannot be bad enough to drive you to hop onto the Cosmopolitan website and begin searching through page after page of painfully bad dating advise until you find ‘How to wage a post-breakup campaign of happiness’. I mean REALLY!
I could talk you through all 6 of the, frankly embarrassing, tips but I’m not that mean. I promise. But I will have to share with you the worst of the bunch. Beginning with “Put up a really hot picture of yourself (selfie time!)” Seriously, Cosmo? You’re advice is to take pictures of yourself where you look attractive and post them on Facebook in the hope that your ex may stumble upon it and be reminded of your endless beauty? Hmm…
Ooh this one too! Cosmopolitan reckons you should “Check-in to really cool places on Foursquare/Facebook!” Now this one’s got some logic behind it. Rather than go out and have fun and move on, the plan is as follows: Stay at home on your computer and every now and then update your Faceboook with a cool event, that way, when the ex spots it, they’ll be remind of how totally cool you are and be so sad you are no longer dating because you’re so damn cool! Yeah, maybe not.
And most importantly this little gem: “Find a really positive breakup quote that really resonates for you and post it on Facebook or Instagram.” I cannot be the only one who thinks this is a bit 13-year-old-girl-dealing-with-her-totally-dramatic-relationship! That’ll do it, tell everyone on the internet that you’re a strong independent woman who don’t need no man. Then let me know how that works out for you.